How to send a message after you die

Start with who, not what

Think of one person at a time. A message to "everyone" is hard to write. A message to your daughter, your brother or your best friend is easy. Write each one separately, even if some say similar things.

Step 1: Decide who gets a message

List the people you would want to hear from you. Include the ones you would not think of first, like an old friend or a neighbor who helped you. Check that you have a current phone number or email address for each of them.

Step 2: Choose how it arrives

• A phone call. The person hears your words spoken out loud, at a time that suits them. It cannot go to a spam folder.
• A letter or an email. Easy to keep and reread, but easy to miss.
• A recording or a video. The most personal, and the most work to set up.

Step 3: Choose a trusted person

Someone has to tell the service that you have died. Pick one or two people who are reliable and who will be told what to do. Tell them you chose them, and keep their contact details up to date. A second person lets one confirm what the other reports, which protects against a mistake.

Step 4: Pick the day it arrives

You can send a message on the day it is needed: a birthday, an anniversary, a wedding day, a holiday that was always yours. A message that arrives on a hard day, from someone who is gone, can mean more than one that arrives at random. Our guide to what to write has ideas.

Make sure it is one payment, and it will last

Choose a service you pay for once, so your messages do not depend on a card that expires. Read how these services work before you decide.